Redvale
by Teh Ringmaster
Summary: Phantom of the Opera, Cats, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Jhonny The Homicidal Maniac, and much more all stuck togeather! Is it possible? I don't know and I even wrote it!
1. The beginning of the madness

_Disclamer: Ahem so you know... I own nothing! Not (As much as I wish I DID) CATS, not Phantom, Not Rocky Horror Picture show, Laugh Whore, Cabaret... or anything else like that though myself and friends will be used.. my charractors that are used as well as my friends charactors will be starred when they appear! Thank you and let the madness begin!_

_WARNING: Insanity follows as well as bad spelling so bear with me and don't report me if offended by anything this is just for fun...now enjoy! _

Author (Me/Cj): Alright time to write.. and here we go! Insert typing sounds>

It all started one day in the junkyard when the whole Jellicle group was out beeing their usual selfs again...

Tugger: What the hell is this stuff! Come on! This should be more intrestin!

Me: Like this:Typing sounds and Tuggers fur turns pink:

Tugger: What the- HEY NO FAIR

Me: Well you said-

Tugger: I don't care what you say change me back!

Misto:Enters in a poof of magical dust and silver streamers: hey there.. Whoah! Nice fur Tugger :snicker:

Me:Squeels and steals streamsers before haning them up in her room:

Misto:Blinks: Erm... right... anyways what did you do to yourself Tugger

Tugger: She did it:Points an accusing claw at the Author:

Misto: Ohhh :Giggles: Well you look good I'm sure Macca (A.K.A. Maccavity) will be pleased

Demeter:Screams: AHHHH MACAVITY!

Tugger:Eyes Dem (A.K.A. Demeter): What do you mean by that?

Macca: AHHH DEMETER!

Misto: Ohh nothing :bats eyelashes:

(Macca and Dem run about screaming in the background)

Tugger: Riiggghhttt...

Munku (A.K.A. Munkustrap-

Macca: AHHH MUNKUSTRAP:Tackles the tabby:

Munku: ACK:Falls over: get offa me!

Macca: WHHHYYY your so adorible:Pintches cheeks:

Cj: I agree!

Vic: Ohh shut up no one asked you!

Cj: Be quiet or feel my wrath!

Tugger: DON"T TEMPT HER!

Vic: wow what happened to you?

Misto/Tugger: She did:both point:

Cj: Smiles sweetly:

(Cut to somewhere in Berlin in 1931)

Emcee: If you happen to be rich und you feel like a night's entertainment you can pay for a gay escapade. If you happen to be rich and alone und you need a companion you can ring-ting-a-ling for zhe maid...

(And now back to our regularly schedualed insanity)

Skimbleshanks:Randomly shows up and blinks seeing many striped and pok-a-dotted cats:

Tugger: I TOLD YOU NOT TO PROVOKE HER!

Skimble: Dear god what 'app'n'ed 'ere?

Me: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :Runs across the junkyard and tackles Skimble and snuggles the railway cat:

Skimble: Umm help!

Me: MARRY ME!

Skimble :Goes wide eyed and wiggles away before takingoff running:

Me:Scrambles after him: NOOOO COME BACK!

Misto: That was odd

Tugger: And my fur beeing pink isn't?

Misto: Well it could be worse

(Meanwile durring this mess Macca got Munku to dress in drag)

Tugger:Blinks: like that?

Misto: Excatally...

(Cut from the Junkyard wile the CATS all try to lick the color out of their fur.. which works i'm not that crule. Turn to the Opera Populair on the roof where Erik was hiding listening to Christine and Raoul sing 'All I ask of you')

Cj:Bursts through the door: ALRIGHT HOLD EVERYTHING!

Raoul: Who are yo-

Cj: Shut it Monseiure Vicomte De Changy

Christine: What do you want?

Cj: I am here to solve things:Goes and grabs Erik from behind the statue: Now all of you listen and listen good!

Raoul: What the hell is going on!

Cj: Did I say you can talk? NO! SO shut up and listen!. Ok...now Erik-

Erik: How do you know my name?

Cj: Does it matter? Anyways as I was saying-

Erik: Acctually it does...

Christine: I would like to know as well...

Cj: JUST LISTEN. Erik... she's going to end up running off with Raoul... so your going to be alone... but everything can be ok...

Erik: How do you know this! And... erm.. how can that be ok?

Raoul/Christine:Stare dumbfounded:

Cj: Look.. Raoul you would die for Christine Right?

Raoul: Uhh right?

Cj: Good.. Erik you'd kill for Christine right?

Erik: Oui...

Cj: Then Kill Raoul.. Raoul dies for Christine and you kill for her... Problem solved...

Raoul: But- :lip quivers:

Cj: Ohh shut up pretty boy... Either that or...:Shifty eyes: Erik you can marry me.. cause...:Sighs and has to say what EVERY PHAN GIRL WOULD: I understand you and you are so sexy and you sing really really really good and I would never leave you and your face isn't all that bad pluss in my time you could even get that fixed and really it wouldn't matter anyways because I don't judge others not to mention that my friends would be jealous that you chose me which I so want you yto do because I love you and...

(Moving on wile our author rambles...  
Somewhere in the forests of Ohio in a little town called Denton)

Dr. Scott: Janet!

Janaet: Dr. Scott!

Brad: Janaet

Janaet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky!

Rocky: Uggg!

Riff: Not this again...:Shakes head:

Colombia: Really

Magenta: Wanna go out for Pizza?

Riff: I thought we where having Meatloaf?

Magenta: You mean Eddie?

Riff: Ohh right...

Colombia: What did you say?

Riff/Magenta: Nothing...

(Back to our Jellicle gang)

Tugger: Only after three and a half hours my fur is finally back to the same color...

Alonzo: But that wasn't three and a half hours it was only ten miniutes..

Tugger: Ohh shut up...

Munkustrap:Still in drag: Help me!

Macca: YOUR SO CUTE!

Victoria: Ohh god...

Mario Cantone:Wanders through the junkyand and screams: KISS MY JELLICLE ASS!

Alonzo: What the hell is that?

Rumpleteazer: I think it was a man

Mungojerry: A very gay man

Macca: WHERE?

Munku: hey now I'm jealous!

Tugger: I thought you where trying to get away from him?

Misto: Good point...

(Cut to JTHM stuff)

Random guy: OMG SOMEBODY PUT CRAP IN MY PANTS! (Yes it had to be edited sorry...)

(Cut to the Populair again. Erik Christine and Raoul are asleep)

Cj: And you are so beautiful and you can write great music and I could only dream of meeting you like this and it;s soo cool and don't waiste your time with Christine cause she'll only hurt you anyways but I would NEVER do that...

(Cut once more wile she rambels on to a circus in france)

Terry: So anyways what you need to do is talk to the other clowns and come up with your own routeine...

Elizabeth (one of my friends):Flys out of no where and tackles Terry:

Anne (Elizabeth's rp charrie):Soon follows:

Terry: ACK!

(Cut to keep the young children's eyes away from what is to happen to the poor, yet sexy, ringmaster)

Random voice: And now a word from our sponcers!

Sponcers: Phnumountramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis

Random voice: And that was the word!

(Cut to the populair about three days later)

Erik: Does she even breath?

Raoul: Can she breath?

Christine: I don't think she can...

Alex (Another friend of mine): Jumps in and smack Cj's back:

Cj: Why you!

Alex:Runs away:

Cj:Follows growling:

(Cut to.. wait.. if Cj.. whom is the author whom is me is after Alex...who is typing this random insane thing?  
Adriana: I AM!

Cj: really?

Adriana: Yes

Terence: I'm helping

Derek: So am I!

Loki: As am I...

Cj: Ok cool! Carry on

Adriana: Right-o!  
so.. There was a Tomb... In a city Called redvale.. in a town called England... and it was the end of the world)

Emcee: HEY! Zhats my zhing und it's 'Zhere a club, in a city called Berlin, in a country called Germany!

Adriana: Sorry!

Emcee: You better be!

Adriana: Anyways

(A tomb...)

Spencer: Why are we in this again

Spike: Something about sex appeal

Spencer: That makes sence but... if thats the case why are YOU here?

Spike: Ohh shove off

Spencer: This is my home!

(To clarify.. these two are alter egos that where seperated by a company called EnCo and given bodies both are pretty hot but Spencer is godly)

Spike: I heard that!

Spencer: See I am better!

(If you wish to know more check out s11. or just E-mail me!)

Adriana: Back to the story

(Denton)

Dr. Scott: Janet!

Janaet: Dr. Scott!

Brad: Janaet

Janaet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky!

Rocky: Uggg!

Magenta: they still at it?

Riff: Yup

Colombia: Should we stop them?

Riff: Naw...__

(Erm yeah thats the end of part one.. I'm planning on a sequil It has something to do about Mutated Platapi and the supream beeing.. so read, respond, Rant, do whatever you need E-mail me, call me, track be down stalk me, whatever just let me know if I should make more.. and even if you tell me I shouldn't.. I probably will!)


	2. Get some helpand a tutu

_(And so weather you like it or not... WE'RE BAAACCCKKKK! Disclamer still stands... I own nothing except starred charactors and they are only starred when they first appear so if you didn't read the first chapter you might be lost and thats yooiur fault because your too lazy to read the first part! So shame on you!)_

_WARNING: Doubble the insanity and excitements follows! YOU BETTER BELEAVE IT!_

(Somewhere over the-  
Adriana: What writers block already Derek?

Derek: NO!

Loki: Buffet?

Terence: I beleave the word you are looking for is 'Rainbow;

Derek: Let me do my own thinking!

Adriana: But we have a fanfiction to write!-)

As the fighting continues our tale needs to continue... so umm IMPROV! It solves all!

(Berlin 1931)

Emcee: Two ladies! Und I'm zhe only man JA!

(Cut to the Populair)

Erik: What if she was right?

Christine: Who?

Raoul: I think he means that strange girl...

Christine: Ohh.. right about what?

Erik: What she said?

Raoul: About you beeing beautiful?

Erik: nono I mean about the me killing you thing.. I mean I don't want to chance loosing Christine and all... pluss it does make sence...

Christine: Ohhh stopit, why would we listen to her.. she had funny clothes!

Raoul: Well...she was right about you beeing sexy and all

Christine/Erik:Blink:...**_WHAT_**

Raoul: I was.. erm just saying...

Christine/Erik :Dumbfounded:

Raoul:Staggering to change the subject: Umm what about those odd clothes she had on... huh? Yeah I mean those Purple and pink and cream striped pants... kinda... intresting huh

(Cut to the Junk yard)

Misto: We where forgotten for a wile there I was worried

Macca: Your telling me..

Dem: AHHH MACAVIT-

Macca: Awww shut it sister it's getting old

Dem: But.. but I'm soposed to

Munkustrap:In full drag and makeup: Really hun.. it is annoying

Dem: Whoah! What happened to you?

Munkustrap: Him :points to macca:

Macca:Gives innocent look:

(Cut to the Frenkenstien place)

Riff/Magenta/Columbia :Are sleeping huddled togeather:

Dr Scott: Janet!

Janet: Dr. Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Frank: Rocky!

Rocky: Ugg!

(Cut to a random place... creative now aren't we?)

Supreame Being (Or atleast Bonnie's version): Now that I have MUSTATED the PLATAPUS :Eyetwitch: again I can now show the WORLD how great I truly am!

Nathan (An angel): Umm M'lord... you have surpassed great...

Supreame Behing: Have I Nathan?

Nathan: Yes sire... Supreame is like.. the best there is...so... you are better then great...

Supreme Being: Where are you getting this 'Supream' from anyways?

Nathan: Umm your title sir.. is it not 'The supreame being'?

Supream Being: Well... lets see...:Starts to think:

Nathan: This may take a wile you might want to move on...

(Right-o.. cut to a forest)

Squirrel:Chitter Chitter:

Sponcers: And now! The moment you have all been waiting for! Dancing bananapeppers trying to shave their toenails

Bananapepper 1 (And/or BP1): AHHH I CAN"T FEEL MY EYEBROWS!

BP2: You don't have any eyebrows

BP3: OMG talking Bananapeppers!

(Cut to an Ameba dancing to disco)

Sponcers: And now back to our reguarly schedualed madness thank you for your time!

(Cut to tomb)

Spike: Since when do we have sponcers?

Spencer: I dunno...

(Cut to Circus in France)

Terry: Oww...:the man has had some pretty unimaginable things happen to him... I won't go into detail:

Anne: Well that was fun!

Elizabeth: Indeed

(Cut to.. uhh somewhere!)

Cj:Gave up trying to catch alex and is now heading home:

(Cut to our sewwt transvestite's home)

Dr. Scott: Janet!

Janet: Dr. Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky

Rocky:...LINE!

Frank: Ohh dear lord I can't belave you for got it!

Janet: Your worse then Brad!

Brad: I resent that!

Janet: Ohh shut up.

Dr. Scott: Well what now?

Janet: I dunno...

Riff:Wakes up: Hey they... they are finished? Magenta! Colombia wake up! They finished!

Dr. Scott: Well What do you think we should do Janet?

Janet: I dunno.. what do you think Brad?

Brad: I dunno what do you think Frank?

Frank: Not sure.. Rocky?

Rocky: Dr. Scott what do you think we should do?

Dr: Scott: Well what do you think we should do Janet?

Riff: Never mind...   
(Cut to Junkyard)

Bomba: So now what.. we aren't in the story because we aren't doing anything...

Ecty: Who says we aren't doing anything?

Adriana: US!

Ecty: Who are you?

Adriana: I am God!... erm well not really.. I'm the devil's daughter but CLOSE ENOUGH!

Supream Being: NO I am God!... and I am better then all of you because I am... erm.. Nathan whats the word again?

Nathan: Supream my lord?

Supream Being: yes thats it.. SUPREAME! NOW BOW DOWN TO ME OR

Tugger: Or you'll what?

Supream Being: I'll MUTATE you!

Tugger: Into what?

Supream Being: Umm..

Evi (my version)l: I know!

Nathan: AHHH EVIL!

Dem: Hey thats my thing!

Evil: Turn him into half Carrot half donkey half oyster

Benson(Bonnie's/my version) M'lord thats too many halfs

Evil: Ohh shut up I'm thinking!

Tugger: I'm lost

Benson: Slugs!

Evil: What?

Benson: SLUGS!

Evil: Oh yes... slugs... he created slugs:Points at SB (Supream being): they can't hear they can't speak they can't operate machinery.. why if I where creating the world I wouldn't mess about with butterflies and daffodils I would start with... LAZERS... Eight o'clock DAY ONE!

Bomba: Hello people this is our section is it not?

Nathan: Erm I don't think so anymore...

Bonba: Ohh shut up...

SB: You may have technology Evil but I... THE SUPREAM BEING!... can mutate tings better then YOU could ever dream!

Benson: But you don't have heffers?

All excluding benson: Heffers?

Benson :Nods rapidly: Yes heffers... M'lord shall I get the pink tutu?

Evil: What?

Benson: You always wear the pink tutu when we talk about heffers...

Evil: Ohh.. umm yes.. and fetch my tiara.. and glitter.. I'm feeling pretty like a princess!

All excluding Evil and Benson:** O**.o

_(What are those bloddy heffers..What tutu. what is up with Raoul saying Erik was sexy.. are spike and spencer really here for sex appeal or is it something else. Why am I rambeling. Do I have to ask this many questions. Why does Emcee keep popping up and singing songs. WHERE HAVE THE QUESTION MARKS GONE! Find out in the next chapter of Redvale! So read and respond and if your lucky within a week I might drop by your house and steal your toothpicks!)_


	3. Is it the end?

_( insert trumpet fanfare> Number three is out my friends! I get to tourture you more with the insanity woohoo yay for me!. Disclamer as you all know hasn't changed.. nothing is mine unless you know that charactor is from nothing you have seen then it's probably mine or myself or my friends! ON WITH THE SHOW!)_

_Warning: Do I have to say it this time Honestly?_

Benson: Here you are M'lord the tutu, Tiara, and glitter

Evil: Ahh thank you... now I shall become the ballerina I have always wanted to be

Macca; OK even I'm scared now...

Munku: really...

(Cut to Kit Kat Klub)

Emcee: Und Helga! (Helga iz zhe baby. I'm just like a fazher to her. So vhen she's bad, I spank her. Und she's  
very, very, very, very, very bad.) Rosie, Lulu, Frenchie, Texas, Fritzie... Und Helga.Each und every von... a virgin! Mah You don't believe me? Vell, don't take my vord for it. Go ahead- try Helga!

(Cut too phone conversation)

Elizabeth: Rikku won

Cj: What he win?

Elizabeth: She

Cj: I thought you meant the one from Kingdom hearts

Elizabeth: No from FFX...

Cj: What did she win?

Elizabeth: She won the baddest good girl.

Cj: ohh intresting...

Elizabeth: yeah they are giving awards to video game charactors it's sad...

(Cut to Junkyard)

Tugger: And we all say...

Misto: Not again!

Bomba: NOOO NOT THE REPEDITIVE SONG OF DOOM!

(Cut to Populair)

Christine: You just said Erik was sexy didn't you!

Raoul: Umm.. no!

Erik: YES YOU DID

Raoul: no I didn't!

Christine: I can't bealve this...

Erik: your telling me..:Shutter:

(Phone convo)

Cj: you know DOTS are intresting

Elizabeth: Wha?

Cj: DOTS are intresting..

Elizabeth: What are DOTS

Cj: DOTS are those candies... fruit flavored..

Elizabeth: Ohh that

Cj: yeah

Elizabeth: Why are intresting

Cj: Because if you eat them after they are a year old or have been in the fridge for a few hours they are like rubber cement and they stick to your mouth.

Elizabeth:Laughs:

(Cut to woods at night)

Cricket :Cricket noise:

(Cut to some dude's house)

Alex (Not my friend): I'm singing in the rain! Just singing in the rain!

(Cut to Actors)

One of my friends: EXCUSE ME DO I KNOW YOU!

Me: O.o..

(Berlin 1931...again?)

Fraulein Schnider: Would you like a slice?

Herr Schultz: That might be nice, but frankly it would give me gas.

Schnider: The we shall leave it here, not to eat but to see

Me: WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY SINGING ABOUT?

Schnider/Schultz: A Pineapple...

Schnider: For me

Schultz: From me

Me: Ohh... I don't like pineapples...They give me gas...

Schultz: me too...

Emcee: Vell no one asked you

Me: OMG! Teh hotness that is known as Emcee! (Alan cumming as Emcee anyways )

Emcee: Ja ja I know... you zhink I don't get zhat alot?

Me: Erm.. I dunno...

Emcee: Excatally

Me: What?

Emcee: Zhats my point

Me: O.o I'm lost...

(Cut to set of Muppets treasure island)

Random Muppet (I can't think of it's name):Crying and holding a skeleton: Dead Tom's Dead!...Long John shot him!

Other muppet: But.. Dead Tom has always been dead... thats why he's called Dead Tom

Ranfom Muppet: Ohh...

Long John Silver:Blink:

Me: AAIIIEEEE :Tackeles Long John who happen to be Tim Curry in the movie . :

Long John Silver: What the-

Me: TEH HOTNESS THAT IS LONG JOHN SILVER aka Tim Curry

Bloody Jack(My friends charrie): Hehe 'Long John' that sounds dirty

Me:Glare:

Emcee: Ahh vhat is zhis eh? now I'm jealous...

Me: Go get back to your own musical play thingy...I'll be there in a moment...

Emcee; But you like him better zhen me...:Pout:

Me: Aww thats so damned cute!

John: Take her.. please I can't breath!

Alex (Mah friend): You can't what?

Me; I"M WARNING YOU DON"T SAY IT!

John: What say 'I can't breath'?

Alex:Grins evily and slaps Long John's back:

John: OWWIE!

Me: Warned you...

Emcee: Now leave zhe pirate man alone! You make me jealous...:Picks Cj up and starts to carry her back to his movie/play:

Me: Well this is different...

(Cut to some place)

Buffy: Where do we go from here?

Me: Er thats a good question

(Cut to my home computer)

Alex: What the hell was that

Me: Braindead

Adriana: But I'm typing this

Me: No only in the fic you are. you see you are typing in the faciction but in real life I am typing

Adriana: Then if this is real life how am I here

Alex: Good question

Me: Don't ask me.. x.x

(Cut to jellicles)

Munkustrap: Man we keep getting left out...

Macca: I know... but we are to beautiful to be left out...

Tugger; I think it's only you who thinks that Mac..

Munkustrap: I think he's -

Demeter: Don't say it for the sake of heavyside don't say it!

Munkustrap: But you like him too..

Demeter: Thats a different story...

(Cut to Berli-  
Tugger: No you don't we deserve a turn

Adriana: You guys are borning though

Misto: But come on!

Adriana: No plus if I don't go back to there _she_ will kill me

Munkustrap: She who?

Cj: Me

Tugger: OMG RUN AWAY!

Adriana: Uhh yeah...

Cj: Plus as much as I love you furballs... I was kidnapped by Emcee... I just wanna know what happens with us

Emcee::Giggles: You don't vant to know vhat I have in store for you my leibling

Cj: Actually I do

Adriana: Dear god you know that is just not right!

Derek: Or right according to the law

Emcee: Ahh shush up and get on vith zhe story

Misto: But..

Cj::Glare:

Misto: Ohh alright...

Adriana: Ahem... now

Cut to Berlin)

Emcee::Carries cj into his dressing room: Now vhom are you going to say vas zhe von out of all of us you are going to pick

Cj: Ohh this is hard... I mean ofcourse there is you.. and Erik... and Skimbleshanks... and Long John

Bloody James: Thats sounds dirty

Emcee/Cj: SHUT UP!

Emcee: Vell?

(The End)

CJ: WHAT NOOO!

_(Bum bum bum! Is it really the end? Who Will Cj Pick? What is going on? Hey look the question marks are back Anyways if you think there should be no other Redvale fanfics press 6554321 on your phone now if you think there should be more add a review and beg of me to write more and if you make me feel special enough I just MIGHT do it... or just leave a message after the beep telling me what you thought anyways!... BEEP!)_


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